Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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