you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I stole a fireplace last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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