That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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