then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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