What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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