The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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