I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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