i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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