I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize