Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
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He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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