It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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