why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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