So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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