she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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