i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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