my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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