Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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