...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize