I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize