1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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