He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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