Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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