glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize