I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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