i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize