I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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