i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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