Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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