the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
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He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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