I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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