another moral hangover. fuck.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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