I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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