We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
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You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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