Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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