But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Are my feet made of real feet?
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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