i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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