I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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