so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
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My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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