if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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