You smell like a Billy Joel song
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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