Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize