I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize