one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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