I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize