i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
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you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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