you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
where does the pee come out of this thing
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bring me that man meat
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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