Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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