census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize