Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize