well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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